Subject: [bridge] bridge tonight (thurs) 9 pm Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2001 10:29:07 -0700 From: Hugh Genin To: bridge MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA -- AUGUST 16, 2001 -- The Pink Palace Bridge Consortium (NASDAQ: JACK), experts in highly-parallelized snack-consumption technology, today announced the launch of their on-line venture, "ThePinkPalace.org" (http://www.thepinkpalace.org). ThePinkPalace.org will operate by means of a novel, untested but highly promising business model developed by CEO Kitt Hodsden, called the "if-you-can-make-three-you-can-make-four" system. "We have learned from the dot-com bust," explains Hodsden, "and combined the best part of the dot-com business models with some new ideas that we had late one night after our VP for Corporate Development, Max Chuang, bid his third 5-spade contract in a row while having less than 6 points in his hand and getting no support from his partner. Basically, the dot-coms all failed because, while they rightly were concerned with increasing the top line - revenue - they did this at the expense of all else, including the bottom-line - profit. Clearly such a business model is not sustainable. In the 'if-you-can-make-three-you-can-make-four' system, we have solved this problem by synchronizing revenue and profit in a guaranteed, consistent fashion. We realized that it all came down to expectations. By continually meeting analysts' expectations, we can guarantee our shareholders that the stock price will never decrease, thus maintaining shareholder value. Clearly, the most reliable way we can meet analyst expectations is to never have any revenue, debt, or profit." Continued Hodsden, "Further, we have adopted one of the successful strategies of many dot-coms as a cornerstone of our business strategy: the layoff. Laying off employees is practically a foolproof way to increase stock price. Thus, my first act as CEO is to fire myself. This interview is now over. Goodbye." Hodsden could not be reached for further comment. Industry analysts expressed skepticism at the concept behind ThePinkPalace.org. "Who are these jokers? And what the hell do they mean by 'if-you-can-make-three-you-can-make-four'? Quit wasting my time!" offered Goldman, Sachs & Co. technology expert Charles Goren. Morgan Stanley Dean Witter Smith Kline Glaxo Wellcome JDS Citicorp technology analyst Omar Sharif was more sanguine in his evaluation of the company: "Hey, these crispy M&M's are pretty good!" Though he approved of the underlying technology platform, his comments were not all positive: "Yuck! These spicy jelly beans taste like ass." ABOUT THE PINK PALACE BRIDGE CONSORTIUM The Pink Palace Bridge Consortium was founded as a leading provider of procrastination opportunities by two experts in the field, Max Chuang and Hugh Genin. It was initially focussed on assisting Kitt Hodsden slack off while she should be working on her own web site, www.beadaroo.com. Subsequently it applied its proprietary technology to the emerging field of contributing to the deliquency of police officers, lawyers, material scientists, mathematicians and programmers. FORWARD LOOKING STATEMENTS This press release really looks forward to bridge tonight. Please note that bridge is at 9 pm tonight. Also, since no-one expressed any interest in moving bridge to Monday, we will continue to have bridge on Thursday nights. DISCLAIMER No really, Kitt set up this awesome web site, www.thepinkpalace.org. Check it out - and hit "refresh" often - you'll get different pictures popping up.